Why Men Push Away Their Perfect Girl from 's blog
Why Guys Reject Their Ideal Girl
When Holly met Colin 3 years ago , she thought they were perfectly suited for each other . They shared the same sense of humor and loved the same cinema and television shows . Plus they both wanted kids in the next 5 years .
Even their favorite childhood book was the same - The Velveteen Rabbit - a sweet coincidence that Colin often pointed out when friends asked about how they met .
So when he unexpectedly ended the relationship one wet October day, she felt totally blindsided.
"I can't comprehend what changed how he felt ," she explained "He once told me that he'd written down a list when he was younger of the important things he wanted in the mother of his children , and that I'd checked off every last one . Not only that, just last month he was talking about vocal lessons so he could serenade me at our wedding."
Sadly , this story is far from unique . According to dating and relationship expert Clayton Max, it's not unusual at all for a man to suddenly retreat from a partner , even if they seem perfect together .
"Something that many women don't understand ," Max said "is it doesn't matter how well suited a woman is for him 'theoretically '. She could check every box on his list, but when it comes to moving the relationship forward, he still might panic . "
That's because, regardless of taking pride in being logicaland sensible , Max claims , "Men do not choose a woman based on who is the most logical option for them. Instead , they choose the person that makes them FEEL certain things."
What things?
Max says that men are instinctively more scared of commitment than women , however their minds actually are pre-wired with a mechanism that overrides this worry with the ideal woman .
Max calls this The Infatuation Instinct , and when it's activated , it essentially closes down the part of his mind that feels worried . Suddenly his thoughts of doubt are relaxed , he feels a sense of confidence about the woman , and he's prepared to move mountains to be with her.
When deciding between a woman that makes rational sense to him and one who 's triggered his primal infatuation instinct , guys will see their future with the one who 's sparked his infatuation impulse every time .
So what are Max's recommendations for a woman who wants a man to commit more deeply to her?
1. Take things the way the are
A big mistake that women make, is wishing guys were different than they are. But he can no more control these feelings of panic he feels around commitment than a woman can control her feelings of wanting to commit .
As a matter of fact , when he really feels misunderstood for not being sure , it further contributes to the stress and anxiety and shame he has inside , making him more likely to run away instead of trying to figure things out .
When you acknowledge that this is the way men arebuilt , and resist the urge to pressure him, it provides you room to focus on what YOU CAN DO to make him sure - activating his infatuation impulse .
2. Don't focus on trying to convince him
The majority of women get stuck in trying to be his 'dream girl ' , by showering him with all the 'good girlfriend ' qualities , like being an excellent listener, being loyal, attentive, generous, and seductive .
They'll list out all the reasons they're a good suit , or they'll simply try to figure out what qualities he desires in a partner , so they can display them when he's around.
In either case , they're trying to appeal to his 'rational brain ', which in this instance is not running the show .
Women do this over and over , despite the fact that this approach practically never ever succeeds , leaving them disappointed , and angry when the man ends up leaving her for someone that has practically none of the qualities he claims he wants .
3. Concentrate on activating his infatuation impulse
The only surefire way of getting a guy to commit with his whole heart, so he's completely confident a woman is the one for him, is to trigger his infatuation instinct .
A man 's infatuation impulse is activated by a few very specific characteristics in a woman . Traits like intrigue , boundaries, and uncertainty , which stir a feeling of excitement and an intense desire to follow her .
While the majority of women try to show her man just how dedicated they are to him hoping that this will make him feel safe to open his heart, this usually just builds on the stress he feels , because at this moment , he's even more terrified of losing his freedom and personality than losing her.
For more information about how to activate a man's infatuation instinct , including exact scripts that do precisely that, watch this free video presentation.
In it, you'll learn about the 'emotional tripwire', which places a guy in infatuation mode, without him realizing why.
Watch it now while it's still available:
The Wall