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Don't Remake This Movie

Quite possibly you heard it: The sound of legions of faithful "Escape from New York" fans shuddering in unison after learning that "300's" Gerard Butler will star as Snake Plissken in a remake of "Escape from New York."

For those few uninitiated souls out there who somehow managed to make it to 2007 without experiencing "Escape," the 1981 original stands as an unparalleled masterpiece of B movie fare. To compare it to its peers of the same era: If "Mad Max" was post apocalyptic and edgy, "Escape" was post apocalyptic and cheesy. If "Blade Runner" was a "cyberpunk vision of the future," "Escape" was the low rent dream of kids turning off disco and turning on to leather jackets. If "Star Wars" was the ground breaking first installment of George Lucas's storied trilogy, "Escape," too, spawned a mini empire for director John Carpenter, who again worked with star Kurt Russell on "Big Trouble in Little China" and "Escape from LA." Sure, "Star Wars" may have had Sir Alec Guinness, but "Escape" had Lee Van Cleef and Ernest Borgnine.

When Russell himself heard news of the remake, he said: "Nothing is sacred in this business. I did Disney movies, they remade those. I did 'Stargate', they made that into a TV show. Having created the character [Snake Plissken], I know one thing. Snake Plissken is quintessentially American."

As I wrote back in March 2006, Hollywood's appetite for twice baked hits seems to grow exponentially from year to year. Why take a chance on an untested script when a new treatment of proven hits like "Barbarella," "Wonderwoman" or "Hairspray" are only a greenlight away from box office returns?

Our mission today is to tell Hollywood that we consider some movies to be sacrosanct. We value them too much to see them reimagined by the magic of CGI effects or the interpretation of a new generation of actors. No matter how intriguing the idea of Steve Carrell as Maxwell Smart may be, I'm sure there are tons of new scripts out there waiting for him that don't involve trampling on the grave of Don Adams.

"Escape from New York" may not be your bag, but surely there is a movie you consider an untouchable a perfect 10 that should be locked in an eternal stasis, forever safe from the minds of lazy studio execs.

What movies do you consider too sacred to remake? Share your candidates below.

While there have been a few remakes I sort of liked (Parent Trap, Freaky Friday), I am generally against remaking a perfectly fake van cleef perlee bangle good movie. Movies that should NEVER be remade (but I'm afraid are or will be) include:

Working Girl, van cleef rose gold copy bracelet Dirty Dancing, White Water Summer, anything by John Hughes, the Explorers, Labyrinth, Ladyhawk, Romancing the Stone (don't even get me started on sequels), almost any American version of a French film and so many others. That said, I am okay with things being "inspired" by older stories. Like Clueless and 10 Things I Hate about You. Rocky Horror Picture Show), then leave it alone. ET reimagined? No, thanx! Kurt Russell is and will always be Snake Plissken.

The answer is simple: Boycott the remakes! Refuse to buy movie tix, refuse to buy (or even rent) the DVD. Sure, it's tempting to see just how BAD the remake is, but TPTB take any financial reward as a sign that they did the right thing. It'll show up on TNT or TBS for free eventually, watch it there if you really MUST revel in its' badness. Texas Chainsaw, Psycho, The Hills Have Eyes, The Omen, The Hitcher, The Ring series, The Grudge, van cleef & arpels copy alhambra bracelet the list goes on on unfortunately. They're also the biggest abusers of the uncessary sequel too. The reason that this amazing movie worked at all is the director's unique vision (let's make a John Hughes 80s movie set in the present day brilliant) combined with the quirky performances of the actors (all the actors, from the title character down to LaFawnduh and the elderly farmers). If another director remade it with other actors I guarantee it would be a piece of crap. Wow. NOT happening. It would be either Disney fied or just too hokey.

Back then you could sense the terror of suburb kids entering the forbidden "The City". And are our cities now too spiffed up for such seamy adventures?

Further, this was part of John Hughes' series of love notes to his native Chicago and its environs. Unless you moved it to another city, it just wouldn't work.

Since I know that won't happen, I say no remakes of movies less than, say, 20 years old. No remakes of classics, old (Casablanca, GWTW, Oz) or new (Harry/Sally, Princess Bride, Trading Places). Stop giving big screen treatment of old TV shows, they're usually garbage. NO video game adaptations! I know those last two aren't really "remakes" but same general principle.

The Wall

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