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says Madden as battle looms

JUSTIN Madden is going to watch Carlton play Essendon with his kids on Saturday for the trophy mockingly dubbed the "Bryce Gibbs Cup", but he will resist the temptation to take along a nice wooden spoon to hand over to his brother, Simon. The Victorian Minister for Sport and former Carlton and Essendon ruckman has a mischievous streak, but he'll leave that behind for the day as the Blues and the Bombers, historical superpowers of Australian football, decide who will win the mythical spoon as the AFL's bottom placed team.

In the minister's eyes, they are playing for the Madden Cup tomorrow, a trophy instituted in 1997 for games between the clubs, struck in honour of Simon and Justin. "It's tragic to think the Madden Cup's sort of boiled down to the wooden spoon," said Madden, tongue firmly implanted in cheek. "The downside is you get the Madden Cup; the upside is you get the wooden spoon and the first draft pick. Is that right?" Justin Madden played most of his 332 games for Carlton but retains a soft spot for Essendon. "It's sad, really," he said of the Bombers' demise. "I suppose there would be more joy if it was Collingwood down there. But replica van cleef & arpels Clover necklace then it wouldn't be the Madden Cup." The honourable member for Doutta Galla is not planning on getting to the MCG too early. "I don't think it'll be hard to get a seat."

Bombed out coach FOR what it's worth, here's Sporting Life's Five Crazy Things Sheeds Might Say or Do Under The Influence of Van Cleef & Arpels alhambra necklace fake Drugs 1 Volunteer to play this week, picking up Dean Solomon, the man whose hit at training injured his shoulder in the first place. After all, it is the AFL's Retro round!

2 Tell the runner to get bloody Paul van der Haar on the ground and back to centre half forward.

3 Organise to have Kevin Walsh brought back on to the list, for there is a shortage of key defenders. And while you're at it, what's Dean Wallis up to?

4 Make sure (acting) coach Gary O'Donnell plays everyone in position.

5 Give a coherent description of the game with no excuses or spin whatsoever, all the while keeping a nice, low profile away from the prying media.

A goal drought

WE'RE tipping there will be some sort of celebration if Carlton full back Bret Thornton kicks a goal during the game this weekend, for Thornton is creating quite a record as what you might call the anti spearhead. Last weekend against the Bulldogs, Thornton registered his 900th career disposal in his 84th game for the Blues. With those 900 touches, he has kicked only one goal (it was in his 20th game, against Fremantle in 2003). Statistical guru Footy Works, which has been logging these things since 1993, reckon Thornton's 909 disposals a goal ratio is the highest of that era, nudging out Gary Pert (600 a goal), Chris Langford (569) and Danny Frawley (554). Hiddink is listening to Russian soccer federation boss Vitaly Mutko as they watch a match between CSKA Moscow and Zenit St Petersburg in the Russia Cup at the Petrovsky stadium in St Petersburg. And listen he might well do, since his contract, extending to Euro 2008, is said to be worth the equivalent of $3.2 million a year plus bonuses. It also carries an option to extend to the next World Cup in 2010. Our spy suggests that former Saint Michael Roberts, MC for the night, was a hit in his PVC pants, complaining that he was "a little warm and sweaty" down under. One time Lion Richard Champion did his almost famous rendition of Cold Chisel's Flame Trees, and of course, Demon Russell Robertson replica Van Cleef & Arpels red necklace was front and square with the band formed for the occasion, "No. 1 Draft Picks", which did a couple of songs. Daly, the "Wild Thing" of golf, whipped out the guitar for a few of his homespun songs at the Cavern Club, the famous, old haunt of the Beatles in the 1960s (pictured above).

Reeling off some of his favourites they include All My Exes Wear Rolexes, and I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy Daly was at the club to promote his tell all book, My Life In and Out of the Rough.

It's an extraordinary piece of literature, too, detailing how he got through four marriages, alcoholism and a gambling addiction that cost him $US60 million ($A80 million) as well as winning a couple of major championships. In the book, he explains why he ran 17 consecutive red lights one day in South Africa. "I ran this one red light and pretty soon it was like: 'F it, and I just keep going'."

There's only one John Daly.

Then again golf needs characters and Ian Poulter is up to his old tricks as well, bringing out another set of lairy trousers for the Open week (pictured).

Poulter's 2006 version is relatively understated by comparison with the infamous Union Jack dacks or the ones with the Auld Mug depicted down the leg. As for the question mark, maybe it's a query about the last time an Englishman won the Open, for it has been 14 years. The answer is 1992 and Nick Faldo at Muirfield.

Sheeds' folly OF ALL people, Justin Madden knows that Kevin Sheedy is capable of some wacky behaviour, even without the influence of painkilling drugs. "Anything's possible," said Madden yesterday, when asked what the master coach might get up to at the MCG. "Even when he's lucid." Sheedy, incidentally, has been discharged from hospital after having shoulder surgery this week, but remains unlikely to coach the Bombers as they try to stave off a 15th consecutive defeat.

The Wall

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