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Rudy and Marjorie were on the verge of divorce. Married 12
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call emotional disengagement- meaning that they simply ignored each other for
days on end.
Emotionally, they were simmering inside and also lonely for
each other, but were unable to reach out and communicate these feelings. They
were in a "cold war" with both waiting for the other to make the first move to
melt the icy atmosphere.
This couple suffers a common marital malady-lack
of skills to repair emotional damage done to each other. According to marital
research, almost all couples fight; what often separates the "masters" of
marriage from the "disasters" of marriage is the ability to repair the
subsequent damage.
Acquiring good repair skills gives the couple a way to
recover from the mistakes they may have made. These repair skills provide a
"fix" for the damage caused in attempting to communicate to each other in a way
that caused emotional hurt to one or both of them.
It is common for
partners to make relationship mistakes - after all, anyone can have a bad
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dealing with a situation. Rather than emotionally disengaging from each other or
staying angry, try to "fix it" if you are the offender.
And if you are
the receiver of the damage, your challenge is to find a way to accept your
partner's repair attempt- that is, to see your partner's repair attempt as an
effort to make things better.
REPAIR TOOL #1-apologize
A simple
sincere and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship,
especially if your partner sees you as a person who never admits they are wrong
or at fault.
Say things like: "I'm sorry; I apologize; What I did was
really stupid; I don't know what got into me."
REPAIR TOOL #2-confide
feelings.
Be honest and share the feelings that are underneath the anger such
as fear [url=http://www.teamredskinjerseys.com/alex-smith-jersey/]Redskin Alex
Smith Jersey[/url] , embarrassment, or insecurity. Your partner may respond to
you quite differently if they see those other emotions, instead of just the
anger. Confiding what is in your heart and in your mind can make a huge
difference in promoting understanding, closeness,
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