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6 Disturbing Trends That Might Ruin the Internet Forever
There was a time when no one took the Internet seriously. Gangs of anonymous hooligans could crash websites and swarm online games to their hearts' content. The FBI barely had a website, let alone the ability to arrest 4channers. Cracked was still a print magazine, and America's insatiable desire for dick jokes was met by a vast array of crude Angelfire websites dense with hit counters and various browser sodomizing embedded GIFs.
Click this link and hate everything.
The Internet is taking its first baby steps toward respectability, it's true, but it still has a lot of growing up to do before it graduates from "insufferable little shit" to "joyless productive adult."
(When the Internet dies, you'll need published evidence of the truths your teachers failed to mention. Get The De Textbook and laugh your way through a post online world.)
Adam Bettcher / Stringer / Getty
Have you ever stopped to think about how weird it is that a single click can deliver you to Facebook or Jim Bob's Erotic Taxidermy Homepage with equal ease? Facebook spends millions of dollars a year to keep their servers up, while Jim Bob pays his host about $20 a month. Despite a vast disparity in the bribe budgets of these two media titans, Verizon is forced to treat them like equals. This is what people are talking about when they mention "Net neutrality."
It's often seen as an absolute. The Way Things Are. But the FCC's first attempt at enforcing Internet neutrality didn't come until 2008. And it was a "success" in the same way our occupation of Afghanistan was a success. In other words,fake rolex oyster perpetual submariner date, the FCC is still fighting, and absolutely nothing has been decided. Verizon's arguing right now for the freedom to add tollbooths and fast lanes to the Internet.
Cracked's future rests upon their sequined bosoms.
The end of Net neutrality is the tech industry's equivalent of erectile dysfunction. It's going to happen one day, and all the Viagra Google can buy won't stop the inevitable. There's money to be made in treating the Internet the way we treat physical property. The moneyed among us should be able to pay (and charge) for a better Internet experience.
That's the basic argument House Republicans made when they added an end to Net neutrality as part of their list of crazy demands for raising the debt ceiling. They lost this year,ladies rolex submariner watch replica, and perhaps Verizon will as well. But neither group will ever stop fighting this battle. And Comcast, lead wallet in the money fight against Net neutrality, now spends more money bribing Democrats than Republicans.
Open Secrets
It's cool, though corporations like Comcast are people. Really impossibly loud people.
Even Google, patron saint of Net neutrality, recently told the FCC that they should have the right to limit how subscribers use their bandwidth. We saw Jean Luc Picard balding about with this fancy number .
. and the first company to actually offer a tablet computer that tiny and convenient wound up making approximately every dollar in the country. This goes back further than The Next Generation; Star Trek has inspired inventions ranging from the mobile phone to NASA's new ion propulsion system. Much of this has to do with the series' long running trend of seeing technology as a good thing, rather than the inevitable precursor to Skynet. Normal sci fi looks at the concept of a humanoid robot and gives us the T 1000 arm knifing people. Star Trek takes that same concept and responds with Brent Spiner.
Outside of the whole "zipping around the galaxy in giant space ships" thing, there's only one major Star Trek innovation without a real world counterpart: the ship's computer. Captain Picard doesn't hop onto Google when he has a question. He just says, "Computer, what kind of alien venereal disease is Riker covering up with that beard?"
Siri made a valiant effort at this,rolex submariner womens replica, but she's less a robot you "converse" with than a robot you shout sexual propositions/movie lines at just to see what she'll say. Google's "conversational search," released earlier this year, allows you to search like a Starfleet officer. Finally, you can pace around your living room demanding answers from a robot who sounds a little like Majel Roddenberry. I had some research to do for an abduction article I planned to commit write, so I decided to give this bold new innovation a try.
"What is Vanilla Ice's real name?" I asked, using my actual voice and everything.
As if I didn't know. As if I'd ever not known.
A robot ladyvoice boomed from my speakers, "Vanilla Ice's real name is Robert Matthew Van Winkle."
That checked out with the official fan guide, so I asked, "Who is his spouse?" hoping against hope that the answer would be "no one." Alas, my computer replied:
"WHO DOES THAT WHORE THINK SHE IS?!"
My next question seemed to confuse Computer. She understood my shouting,rolex womens submariner fake, but she said nothing in reply this time. Instead, she almost sheepishly slid me a link to Vanilla Ice's Wikipedia page.
Fortunately, Computer was out of date. A little digging informed me that they split up in 2011. So it isn't perfect yet, but Google's trying. And conversational search, combined with a Parrot AR drone and this smartphone controlled laser gun, allows any nerd with roughly 500 bucks to make his own personal Enterprise for, like . 10 minutes at a time.
There was a time when no one took the Internet seriously. Gangs of anonymous hooligans could crash websites and swarm online games to their hearts' content. The FBI barely had a website, let alone the ability to arrest 4channers. Cracked was still a print magazine, and America's insatiable desire for dick jokes was met by a vast array of crude Angelfire websites dense with hit counters and various browser sodomizing embedded GIFs.
Click this link and hate everything.
The Internet is taking its first baby steps toward respectability, it's true, but it still has a lot of growing up to do before it graduates from "insufferable little shit" to "joyless productive adult."
(When the Internet dies, you'll need published evidence of the truths your teachers failed to mention. Get The De Textbook and laugh your way through a post online world.)
Adam Bettcher / Stringer / Getty
Have you ever stopped to think about how weird it is that a single click can deliver you to Facebook or Jim Bob's Erotic Taxidermy Homepage with equal ease? Facebook spends millions of dollars a year to keep their servers up, while Jim Bob pays his host about $20 a month. Despite a vast disparity in the bribe budgets of these two media titans, Verizon is forced to treat them like equals. This is what people are talking about when they mention "Net neutrality."
It's often seen as an absolute. The Way Things Are. But the FCC's first attempt at enforcing Internet neutrality didn't come until 2008. And it was a "success" in the same way our occupation of Afghanistan was a success. In other words,fake rolex oyster perpetual submariner date, the FCC is still fighting, and absolutely nothing has been decided. Verizon's arguing right now for the freedom to add tollbooths and fast lanes to the Internet.
Cracked's future rests upon their sequined bosoms.
The end of Net neutrality is the tech industry's equivalent of erectile dysfunction. It's going to happen one day, and all the Viagra Google can buy won't stop the inevitable. There's money to be made in treating the Internet the way we treat physical property. The moneyed among us should be able to pay (and charge) for a better Internet experience.
That's the basic argument House Republicans made when they added an end to Net neutrality as part of their list of crazy demands for raising the debt ceiling. They lost this year,ladies rolex submariner watch replica, and perhaps Verizon will as well. But neither group will ever stop fighting this battle. And Comcast, lead wallet in the money fight against Net neutrality, now spends more money bribing Democrats than Republicans.
Open Secrets
It's cool, though corporations like Comcast are people. Really impossibly loud people.
Even Google, patron saint of Net neutrality, recently told the FCC that they should have the right to limit how subscribers use their bandwidth. We saw Jean Luc Picard balding about with this fancy number .
. and the first company to actually offer a tablet computer that tiny and convenient wound up making approximately every dollar in the country. This goes back further than The Next Generation; Star Trek has inspired inventions ranging from the mobile phone to NASA's new ion propulsion system. Much of this has to do with the series' long running trend of seeing technology as a good thing, rather than the inevitable precursor to Skynet. Normal sci fi looks at the concept of a humanoid robot and gives us the T 1000 arm knifing people. Star Trek takes that same concept and responds with Brent Spiner.
Outside of the whole "zipping around the galaxy in giant space ships" thing, there's only one major Star Trek innovation without a real world counterpart: the ship's computer. Captain Picard doesn't hop onto Google when he has a question. He just says, "Computer, what kind of alien venereal disease is Riker covering up with that beard?"
Siri made a valiant effort at this,rolex submariner womens replica, but she's less a robot you "converse" with than a robot you shout sexual propositions/movie lines at just to see what she'll say. Google's "conversational search," released earlier this year, allows you to search like a Starfleet officer. Finally, you can pace around your living room demanding answers from a robot who sounds a little like Majel Roddenberry. I had some research to do for an abduction article I planned to commit write, so I decided to give this bold new innovation a try.
"What is Vanilla Ice's real name?" I asked, using my actual voice and everything.
As if I didn't know. As if I'd ever not known.
A robot ladyvoice boomed from my speakers, "Vanilla Ice's real name is Robert Matthew Van Winkle."
That checked out with the official fan guide, so I asked, "Who is his spouse?" hoping against hope that the answer would be "no one." Alas, my computer replied:
"WHO DOES THAT WHORE THINK SHE IS?!"
My next question seemed to confuse Computer. She understood my shouting,rolex womens submariner fake, but she said nothing in reply this time. Instead, she almost sheepishly slid me a link to Vanilla Ice's Wikipedia page.
Fortunately, Computer was out of date. A little digging informed me that they split up in 2011. So it isn't perfect yet, but Google's trying. And conversational search, combined with a Parrot AR drone and this smartphone controlled laser gun, allows any nerd with roughly 500 bucks to make his own personal Enterprise for, like . 10 minutes at a time.
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