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5 Comic Book Movies Way Worse Than 'Batman and Robin'
Steve Rogers is a young artist who enjoys wallowing in self pity as much as he enjoys remembering his far superior father (which is to say, very much). His father was a patriotic government agent during the war who, due to his dedication and bravery, was given the nickname "Captain America." He also developed a "super steroid," which seems less brave, but people went with it because they had already gone to the trouble of giving him that nickname.
When young, whiny Steve suffers an accident and is given his father's special steroid during surgery. Not only does the steroid save his life, it gives him super strength and speed, which he uses, at the behest of the government, to fight evil.
Oh, but instead of serving in the war (like his father, and the Steve Rogers in the comics), he uses his super speed to buy a giant cargo fan and a moderately fast motorcycle and rides around for a good portion of the movie, briefly pausing only at the end of the film to foil a random terrorist plot that involves hiding a bomb somewhere.
Steve Rogers from the comics was an artist at heart, sure, but he was also prepared to fight for his country even before he was loaded up with super steroids. He was a superhero who could have genuinely been considered a true hero pre powers.
"I'll tell you what Red Skull hurt the most: my feelings.
One of the other great things about Captain America was that he willingly volunteered to take the super serum, because it meant he would be better at doing what he loved (punching Nazis). In this movie, the serum is given to Rogers without his consent, and he reluctantly decides to fight crime after it turns out he has superpowers. Basically, everything that made Steve Rogers honorable and respectable was removed and replaced with. art? A helmet? We don't even know. A see through shield?
Now, the good Captain's transportation doesn't really come up too often in the comics, so we can't say the filmmakers behind this movie screwed it up. Still, we feel fairly secure in the belief that he would not roll around in a blue GMC Van that shoots an almost useless motorcycle out of the back.
And finally, the costume. agent who is qualified to do anything.
The plot is painfully and needlessly drawn out. Helicarrier in order to diffuse the threat which turns out to be that the children of his old nemesis have a deadly virus. thinks a one eyed, cigar chomping, retired David Hasselhoff would be better at stopping it than a giant flying helicarrier.
The plan falls just outside the borders of "too retarded to be believable" but lands somewhere in "just retarded enough to work" territory, so Nick Fury saves the day.
The weirdest thing about this movie is that it shouldn't have sucked. It was written by David S. Goyer, the guy who wrote The Dark Knight. The biggest non Hasselhoff related problem is it couldn't decide if it was a serious drama or a high camp movie, and it failed at both. And the biggest Hasselhoff related problem is that David Hasselhoff was in it.
Man, we have used this picture in a TON of articles already, and we don't even care.
This one is a little tricky because it's available for purchase. After Goyer struck gold with Batman Begins, Best Buy bought the distribution rights and started selling the DVD. It's still available, for the hardcore fan who has to have everything related to Marvel, and also hates himself.
Instead of saying "Of course not murder murder murder," The Punisher agrees to help, eventually teaming up with Franco, the head of the mafia, to raid the Yakuza headquarters and rescue Franco's son.
Because Franco is, of course, still evil, he decides to, of course, turn on Punisher and he, of course, loses. The child is left fatherless, The Punisher learned nothing and the audience wasted 10 bucks.
The Punisher's costume is simple. It's a friggin' black t shirt with a friggin' skull on it. That's the Punisher shirt. You can pick it up an Kohls, for Christ's sake. If you're making a Punisher movie that doesn't put Punisher in the Punisher shirt, you are making a very bad movie.
Having Castle team up with the mob bosses who killed his family is a cardinal sin. What made The Punisher of the comics so compelling was his obsessively stringent moral code; he sees only in black and white. He takes it to the extreme, he can't be reasoned with,van cleef & arpels alhambra knock off bracelet, he can't be controlled and we fucking love him for it. By the end, we were hoping it was part of an elaborate plot to make Franco watch him molest his son. We suppose it would have been a touch dark, but at least it would have been a freaking Punishment.
Thankfully, real comic book movies were there to overshadow the release of The Punisher. When it came out in 1989, DC released Tim Burton's Batman, and the people rejoiced. Strange (1978)
Our world is constantly under threats of a magical nature and the man protecting us from these threats is a man known as the Sorcerer Supreme. The current Supreme of the Earth is an old man called Thomas Linmer who can basically do everything that Obi Wan Kenobi can do, except use a lightsaber (so who gives a shit?).
Linmer,van cleef copy bracelets, for a while, just hangs out in his Greenwich Village mansion, being magic and whatnot, when he is disturbed by a threat from his past, a sorceress called Morgan Le Fay. To defeat her,bracelet alhambra replica van cleef, Linmer takes porno stash clad psychiatrist and heir to the Sorcerer Supreme Throne, Dr. Steven Strange, under his wing to teach him,van cleef clover knock off bracelet, you know, magic. They use magic to defeat Morgan, Strange becomes the new sorcerer and refuses to shave his Holmesian mustache.
This plot is as far from Dr. Strange's actual origin story as you can get. In the comics, Strange is a cocky surgeon who gets in a car accident and loses his fabulous dexterity. He then travels to the Himalayas to find a hermit who might be able to help him get his job back, and it turns out the hermit is the current Sorcerer Supreme. Strange decides that this is way too much like Batman Begins and wants to leave, but can't due to a blizzard, so he decides to stick around and learn magic. The film replaces "learning magic in the Himalayas" with "learning magic as a psychiatrist in some dude's study." They also decided that the cocky surgeon who lost everything before gaining magic powers was a less compelling protagonist than a boring shrink who just gets born into magicdom.
Also this happens at one point. Not sure if that matters.
Also, Dr. Strange probably doesn't deserve his own movie. He's just not interesting enough. Still, the creators took a character who was inherently boring and made him more boring, dressed him up like John Holmes and made a shitty movie. We have simple rules when it comes to movies. If you're going to make a movie with superheroes, make it exciting and interesting, and if you're going to make a movie with porn stashes, make it full of titties and funk music. This film fails at both.
Steve Rogers is a young artist who enjoys wallowing in self pity as much as he enjoys remembering his far superior father (which is to say, very much). His father was a patriotic government agent during the war who, due to his dedication and bravery, was given the nickname "Captain America." He also developed a "super steroid," which seems less brave, but people went with it because they had already gone to the trouble of giving him that nickname.
When young, whiny Steve suffers an accident and is given his father's special steroid during surgery. Not only does the steroid save his life, it gives him super strength and speed, which he uses, at the behest of the government, to fight evil.
Oh, but instead of serving in the war (like his father, and the Steve Rogers in the comics), he uses his super speed to buy a giant cargo fan and a moderately fast motorcycle and rides around for a good portion of the movie, briefly pausing only at the end of the film to foil a random terrorist plot that involves hiding a bomb somewhere.
Steve Rogers from the comics was an artist at heart, sure, but he was also prepared to fight for his country even before he was loaded up with super steroids. He was a superhero who could have genuinely been considered a true hero pre powers.
"I'll tell you what Red Skull hurt the most: my feelings.
One of the other great things about Captain America was that he willingly volunteered to take the super serum, because it meant he would be better at doing what he loved (punching Nazis). In this movie, the serum is given to Rogers without his consent, and he reluctantly decides to fight crime after it turns out he has superpowers. Basically, everything that made Steve Rogers honorable and respectable was removed and replaced with. art? A helmet? We don't even know. A see through shield?
Now, the good Captain's transportation doesn't really come up too often in the comics, so we can't say the filmmakers behind this movie screwed it up. Still, we feel fairly secure in the belief that he would not roll around in a blue GMC Van that shoots an almost useless motorcycle out of the back.
And finally, the costume. agent who is qualified to do anything.
The plot is painfully and needlessly drawn out. Helicarrier in order to diffuse the threat which turns out to be that the children of his old nemesis have a deadly virus. thinks a one eyed, cigar chomping, retired David Hasselhoff would be better at stopping it than a giant flying helicarrier.
The plan falls just outside the borders of "too retarded to be believable" but lands somewhere in "just retarded enough to work" territory, so Nick Fury saves the day.
The weirdest thing about this movie is that it shouldn't have sucked. It was written by David S. Goyer, the guy who wrote The Dark Knight. The biggest non Hasselhoff related problem is it couldn't decide if it was a serious drama or a high camp movie, and it failed at both. And the biggest Hasselhoff related problem is that David Hasselhoff was in it.
Man, we have used this picture in a TON of articles already, and we don't even care.
This one is a little tricky because it's available for purchase. After Goyer struck gold with Batman Begins, Best Buy bought the distribution rights and started selling the DVD. It's still available, for the hardcore fan who has to have everything related to Marvel, and also hates himself.
Instead of saying "Of course not murder murder murder," The Punisher agrees to help, eventually teaming up with Franco, the head of the mafia, to raid the Yakuza headquarters and rescue Franco's son.
Because Franco is, of course, still evil, he decides to, of course, turn on Punisher and he, of course, loses. The child is left fatherless, The Punisher learned nothing and the audience wasted 10 bucks.
The Punisher's costume is simple. It's a friggin' black t shirt with a friggin' skull on it. That's the Punisher shirt. You can pick it up an Kohls, for Christ's sake. If you're making a Punisher movie that doesn't put Punisher in the Punisher shirt, you are making a very bad movie.
Having Castle team up with the mob bosses who killed his family is a cardinal sin. What made The Punisher of the comics so compelling was his obsessively stringent moral code; he sees only in black and white. He takes it to the extreme, he can't be reasoned with,van cleef & arpels alhambra knock off bracelet, he can't be controlled and we fucking love him for it. By the end, we were hoping it was part of an elaborate plot to make Franco watch him molest his son. We suppose it would have been a touch dark, but at least it would have been a freaking Punishment.
Thankfully, real comic book movies were there to overshadow the release of The Punisher. When it came out in 1989, DC released Tim Burton's Batman, and the people rejoiced. Strange (1978)
Our world is constantly under threats of a magical nature and the man protecting us from these threats is a man known as the Sorcerer Supreme. The current Supreme of the Earth is an old man called Thomas Linmer who can basically do everything that Obi Wan Kenobi can do, except use a lightsaber (so who gives a shit?).
Linmer,van cleef copy bracelets, for a while, just hangs out in his Greenwich Village mansion, being magic and whatnot, when he is disturbed by a threat from his past, a sorceress called Morgan Le Fay. To defeat her,bracelet alhambra replica van cleef, Linmer takes porno stash clad psychiatrist and heir to the Sorcerer Supreme Throne, Dr. Steven Strange, under his wing to teach him,van cleef clover knock off bracelet, you know, magic. They use magic to defeat Morgan, Strange becomes the new sorcerer and refuses to shave his Holmesian mustache.
This plot is as far from Dr. Strange's actual origin story as you can get. In the comics, Strange is a cocky surgeon who gets in a car accident and loses his fabulous dexterity. He then travels to the Himalayas to find a hermit who might be able to help him get his job back, and it turns out the hermit is the current Sorcerer Supreme. Strange decides that this is way too much like Batman Begins and wants to leave, but can't due to a blizzard, so he decides to stick around and learn magic. The film replaces "learning magic in the Himalayas" with "learning magic as a psychiatrist in some dude's study." They also decided that the cocky surgeon who lost everything before gaining magic powers was a less compelling protagonist than a boring shrink who just gets born into magicdom.
Also this happens at one point. Not sure if that matters.
Also, Dr. Strange probably doesn't deserve his own movie. He's just not interesting enough. Still, the creators took a character who was inherently boring and made him more boring, dressed him up like John Holmes and made a shitty movie. We have simple rules when it comes to movies. If you're going to make a movie with superheroes, make it exciting and interesting, and if you're going to make a movie with porn stashes, make it full of titties and funk music. This film fails at both.
The Wall