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7 Women Who Put Their Lady Parts to Horribly Practical Uses

Sometime in my youth I ran across the term "penis envy." I didn't really know what it meant, but it did sound funny. Later I found out it means all ladies want what I got, and that made perfect sense. But I never knew if there was an opposite condition, a vagina envy, vagenvy, if you will, whereby a man feels like he's missing something by not having a vagina. In our patriarchal Western society, this seemed almost anathema, but couldn't it be possible? Couldn't a man look at his spongy, disappointing flesh dongle and wish that he had something more pragmatic down there? I'm here to tell you yes. Because women of industry have taken hold of their vaginas, mostly literally, and done something with them. How would you approach life, what would you do first? For women, "pee standing up" is often the go to answer for this. on BBC3, which is easily thrice as cool as BBC1,van cleef onyx necklace replica, a woman was whisked away to the ER complaining of abdominal pains that, as it turned out, were a result of her having rolled up a poster of Donny Osmond and thrust it deep into her clamarama. Most of us would probably conclude that this was at least a possible source of discomfort all on our own, even with no medical training, if a similar situation presented itself. Like you'd be home watching American Horror Story thinking "Man, my guts is a hurtin' real bad. I have sat in a chair and watched strange boobies jiggling to modern pop hits while I drank grossly overpriced drinks. And once I saw a lady who went above and beyond the call of duty by, for her headlining act, applying a flammable special effects gel to her flower and setting it ablaze with a torch. I want you to really get in the moment with me and imagine this a naked woman, with a torch in her hand, lighting her own passage to Venus aflame for my entertainment. It was quite an evening at the theater, let me tell you.

I bring up the flaming vagina story to set the framework for this next tale of incendiary crotches to ease you into it. I don't want you to think this is an isolated incident there are flaming vaginas practically falling out of trees around here. Also at soccer games."My vagina is the game. The game is my vagina."

I guess in Russia there's a constant problem with fans smuggling firecrackers into games. Like all the time. All the time women put explosives in their vaginas and go watch a soccer game and then, when it seems like a good idea, they birth their bang baby and set him ablaze and just toss him at the team they don't like. This is what happened when some lady hooligan blew up the Moscow Dynamo goalkeeper's face by vag blasting him with a firecracker in the middle of a game.

Remember this the next time someone tries to explain to you why soccer is a good sport. It's not. Soccer is a sport at which people have literally been decapitated by fans and women shoot explosives out of their vaginas. Mars changed the lyrics later when focus groups rejected the notion that anyone would ever put a grenade in their vagina. Well, eat a steaming sack of dicks, focus groups, because I have a story for you.

A woman in El Salvador was visiting a friend in prison when officials discovered that she was bringing more than just good cheer and Salvadoran well wishing she had an in her mossy doughnut. military frag grenades that have been in use since the mid '70s and are not recommended for vaginal use, according to any of the info I could find online. Some jobs even make you do that to test for drugs,van cleef green necklace replica, as if going to work high was a crime or something.

Mischelle Salzgeber, who not only can't spell her name, but was on probation, had to pass a drug test to prove she was still probatable, or something like that. Not wanting to cramp her style by not doing drugs while on probation, she so did drugs while on probation. Then she set about on a plan only a truly drug addled mind could conceive of. To fool the drug test, she would insert a small bottle of someone else's urine inside of herself. Yes, a small vodka bottle filled with the urine of an entirely different drug addict, who failed the test anyway. It was almost too easy. I'd enjoyed a few drinks at this point and discussed business with Q, as well as local weather, ladies, and the police. He eventually talked me into buying a $15 Rolex watch, which seemed like the deal of a lifetime. Q promised he was not bullshitting me and that it was a legit Rolex and he was giving it to me for that awesome price because he liked me and not because it was a terrible, awful scam.

Part of me hoped that Q was being straight up with me, that we had bonded and he wasn't lying. This was a real Rolex. I mean, it had to be stolen, but I was OK with that, because $15 for a stolen Rolex is a great deal. Rolexes cost thousands of dollars. But in the sober light of the next day, it became remarkably clear that this was no kind of Rolex, because I paid $15. It said Rolex and everything, but come on. The watch I bought wasn't even fit for storing in a vagina. Oh, was that a segue? It was!

Ryan Elkins, a 23 year old lady of somewhat ill repute, was arrested in South Florida as part of a little scam that saw her and several others absconding with men's valuables, including wallets and watches,alhambra necklace van cleef fake, which they got hold of at bars and nightclubs.

Numerous men fell victim to Elkins and three others, including a New York Giant who lost nearly half a million in jewelry. Others are pretty sure the women drugged them before picking them clean. But how does a lady steal that much stuff and get away with it? When police caught up with Elkins,van cleef and arpels necklace fake, she had her latest victim's $25,000 Rolex nestled deep in the grassy knoll, depreciating by the second.

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