Real Housewives of New Jersey

So poor Melissa, her aunt Louella passed away from the cancer, which is very sad for Melissa and her famiglia. In fact, it's so sad that Amber gets over herself long enough to bring Melissa some chicken soup and only sort of hint at her own cancer experience. The two women agree that the cancer "puts things into perspective" and that their bickering pales in comparison to real probelmatica like death and meatball fraud, so everyone agrees to be cool with one another again. For the time being.

As for Nicole, she prepares a salmon and kale breakfast salad for her dog, as yousdo, while her madre harasses her about her relationship with Fireman Bobby. Madre Santa notes that it's interesting that after being with Nicole for almost a year, Fireman Bobby can "space out his need to be around" Nicole in one of the most amazing backhanded compliments ever. Nicole and Madre Santa then each separately wonder if Fireman Bobby is a "confirmed bachelor."

Later, Nicole goes over to Tuhressa's house to drink questionable cocktails, try on her sister's new inappropriate dress, have her sister take pictures of her wearing her sister's inappropriate dress which she then sends to Fireman Bobby, before then getting an earful from her sister about how she's worried that Fireman Bobby is never going to marry her. What a super fun time for Nicole!

Elsewhere, Teresa with a kofia? a ibenik?a potted plant cozy? on her head, is signing cookbooks when Melissa comes over, demands wine and a fire in the fireplace and to watch some Netflix. In an interview, Teresa explains that she and Melissa are getting along so much better these days because Melissa "is maturing" and not because Melissa and Folletto are taking pity on Il Meatballs in the midst of all their meatball problems and are willing to overlook painfully obvious insults like Teresa telling Melissa that they should watch the Godfather so that Melissa can learn a thing or two about famigliaand loyalty. Just breathe deeply, Melissa, and keep drinking wine. They'll all be going to meatball jail soon enough.

As for Dina, she goes to her attorney's office to talk about how she's not ready to file divorce papers yet and to cry. Her divorce attorney assures her that this is fine, Dina doesn't have to file until she's ready to file, but that Dina does understand that she is still going to be billed at her hourly rate to come sit here in her office and cry about doing nothing, Dina knows that, right?

And, yeah, yeah, Dina's having trouble moving on,whatever. PUT SOME SHOULDERS ON. YOU DO NOT LOOK LIKE A PROFESSIONAL. (At least, not that kind of professional.)

So Dina spends Valentine's Day night (Valentine's Night, I suppose would be the easier way of putting that) wearing her pajamas, eating her daughter's chocolates, on the phone with her personal assistant, Luke, who should also have something better to do with his time, all the while with her face in some sort of spa helmet that flashes a bunch of Christmas lights into her forehead that is supposed to do something, who even knows what, certainly not Dina.

Teresa and Meatball spend their Valentine's Night discussing their finances, vaguely alluding to their legal worries, making business plans (Meatball will be the "brawn" of the operation;Teresa will be the "brains," heaven help them), and learning what a "calendar" is. It is a very fun, romantic evening.

In contrast, Il Follettos spend the evening at dinner where Melissa worries about how much time away from the famigliaFolletto is going to have to spend between his building work and the new paper mulching business. In an interview, Melissa reveals that Folletto does not even know what school his son goes to, and tried to drop little Fagioli off with some strangers at a strange school this one time, because he's just a super great babbo. ANYWAY. As a Valentine's gift, Melissa presents Folletto with a book of lingerie photos she took for him, which, good for her, I just am not convinced she needed to share them with us, too. (But who am I kidding, of COURSE she needed to share them with us.)

Also having dinner together to celebrate Valentine's Day: the twins, Rino, Fireman Bobby and the twins' parents? For some reason? It's a nice gesture and all, but considering what happens at the end of this episode, I can't help but be a little suspicious that Madre Santa and Padre Sal are tagging along. But fine. Let's just go with it.

So everyone puts on their sluttiest best red outfit and they go to one of Rino's restaurants, where everyone shares a memorable moment of their significant other. Tuhressa recalls meeting Rino for the first time and how the bathroom attendant at his restaurant told Tuhressa that she was going to marry Rino. Romance! Also something or other about a lobster bib, who knows. We are helpfully reminded that Tuhressa and Rino have been married to each other twice now, having once divorced for a little while,replica sell rolex oyster perpetual datejust, only to find their way back to one another. And in that time apart, at least Rino dated other people, specifically every stripper in the Tri State area according to Tuhressa. But who cares, the past is the past, nothing to see here, move along.

Meanwhile, Nicole becomes more and more sullen about the whole Fireman Bobby's reluctance to marry her thing, and explains that Madre Santa is worried that he's a "confirmed bachelor"

and that she,rolex datejust oyster replica, too, wants to make sure he's not a "confirmed bachelor."

Instead, Fireman Bobby reminisces about how when he met Nicole she explained that she was planning on kissing as many frogs as she could to make sure she finds her prince. And then on their first date, they happened to pass a stand filled with stuffed frogs, so he bought her one because . he's a frog? I'm not sure he has a handle on this metaphor.

Over at Il Follettos, Folletto surprises his famigliawith a new puppy to help cheer Melissa up over the loss of Aunt Louella, because nothing takes your mind off losing a loved one like cleaning up dog urine all day, every day.

Finally, Teresa has a "wine drink" tasting/signing at some liquor store. Amber chooses to attend, because she's "never been to a signing before," which is literally the laziest excuse The Producers could come up with. Also at the wine tasting signing whatever the inferno this is, VICTORIA GOTTI, which explains why Teresa chose to wear her Cookie Monster fur to the tasting signing, sinceVictoria Gotti has already seen her Grimace fur.

Nothing fancy, just your everyday "I'm going to see Victoria Gotti" blue fur. First of all, Amber, your husband is NOT A PRACTICING ATTORNEY. But secondly, and more importantly, one does not wear a bulletproof vest around Victoria Gotti, one wears their finest Kool Aid dipped fur coat around Victoria Gotti. GET IT STRAIGHT.

So Amber and Teresa arrive at Victoria Gotti's rather disappointingly banal house where they sit around in their furs and drink Teresa's wine drink and Victori Gotti cuts to the chase: SO,replica cost of rolex oyster perpetual datejust, RINO. It turns out when Rino and Tuhressa were divorced that one time, Victoria Gotti met Rino at one of his restaurants, who care which one. The point is, he sat down with Victoria Gotti and her friends and hung out with them for a while. Fast forward a few weeks later when Victoria Gotti had heart surgery, only to wake up in ICU with this Rino cafone in her room trying to give her a Rolex watch. Of course, Victoria Gotti doesn't just accept Rolexes from your average mook she just met the week before, because she has ethics,rolex datejust replica, but she does remain amici with Rino. So, then, later, Victoria Gotti and Rino and some other amici, they're all having dinner in one of Rino's restaurants, when Rino starts telling this pazzo story about his divorce from Tuhressa and how they're never getting back together because Tuhressa can never forgive him for who he cheated on her with. Teresa and Amber and everyone in America are like, "Who, Nicole? It's Nicole, right?" And Victoria Gotti is all, "No, it was her MADRE SANTA!"

Amber and Teresa are, understandably shocked by this, and suggest that Rino was drunk? Maybe he was drunk and joking? But Victoria waves off this suggestion, claiming that Rino never gets drunk a point that I'm pretty sure was contradicted just a couple of episodes ago at the First Responder's Festa, but sure. He's a regular teetotaler, that Rino.

After explaining earnestly that she could understand if Rino slept with Nicole because TWINS!, it's a whole other thing to bring someone's madre into it, Amber flees from Victoria Gotti's house because ALL SHE NEEDS RIGHT NOW IS TO BE DRAGGED INTO ANOTHER RUMOR SCANDAL WITH THESE TWINS, MADDON'.

And then Victoria Gotti says some platitudes at Teresa about "being strong" and "jealous haters" and how she just has to "keep going" and YOUS KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ALL THAT. MORE RUMORS ABOUT RINO AND SANTA, PER FAVORE, I NEEDS DETAILS.

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