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Stars will be stars

If you can cast your mind back to the early days of 2006, back to those slightly more innocent first few weeks of the year when James Frey was still considered more memoirist than novelist and Mel Gibson anti Semitism was a presumption, not a documented fact, you might remember a time when the orbital paths of the celebrity world seemed eerily close to the more mundane, humble revolutions of the average person. At long last, Paris Hilton star seemed to be on the wane, Britney Spears was settling into an apparently happy and uneventful domestic rut with Kevin Federline, and Lindsay Lohan was finally fessing up to some of her food issues. Even Angelina Jolie seemed content with having a baby the old fashioned way, announcing to the world she actually made one with Brad Pitt. The stars were getting downright average, or so it briefly seemed.

But it wasn long before events just around the start of February, with the announcement of the Heather Locklear/Richie Sambora split, the unearthing of Paris Hilton personal diaries and Britney Spears visit from the Department of Children and Family Services for driving with her baby on her lap served to remind us all that there a massive difference between the everyday world, full of house chores and grocery shopping, copy van cleef and arpel clover necklace and the universe inhabited by the souls whose names populate the gossip pages.

From that point on, 2006 was basically a yearlong reminder that, despite what Us Weekly wants you to believe, stars are not just like us for instance, we don bounce our cellphones off the heads of our hired help, or go on racist tirades during our arrests or stand up acts, or fly our 150 closest celebrity buddies to 15th century Italian castles to attend our Giorgio Armani tailored weddings. In the gossip netherworld of slippery innuendo and hard to confirm assertions is there a clear hierarchy between a source and a source close to the couple? it nice to occasionally have a hard nugget of fact to hang one hat on. And so in sifting through this year gossip trailings, the Fix has decided to imitate the researchers approach, at least in spirit, and attempt to use the inflexible laws of math and science to help illuminate what were really this year biggest stories, trends, themes, memes and moments and, we hope, make clear other ways in which celebrities are special. Using the most technologically advanced tools available, including Google, Nexis and Microsoft Word word count feature, we analyzed the year that fake van cleef necklaces was using the Fix as a primary source text but linking far and wide to give you a handy, at a glance index to what happened in gossip in 2006.

It not always pretty, and while some of what we found was predictable Britney Spears was the most mentioned celebrity other facts may surprise you. When Britney Spears announced in May that she had another baby on the way, we knew it was going to be a Spears heavy year, and indeed the pop starlet matriarch appeared the most often in these pages over the past 12 months, with 82 appearances in the Fix, for a total of 6,280 words, or about 30 double spaced pages. By contrast, Mel Gibson, despite a high profile arrest/racist outburst and a box office topping film, garnered a scant 27 mentions, for 2,865 words, which makes for only about 14 double spaced pages. Other big names this year:

Tom Cruise: 80

Paris Hilton: 76

Lindsay Lohan: 60

Madonna: 58

Angelina Jolie: 56

Brad Pitt: 54

Katie Holmes: 54

Kevin Federline: 45

Pete Doherty: 33

Jennifer Aniston: 30

Nicole Kidman: 29

Tale of the tape

Every year has its gossip fights the skirmishes between Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton have gone on unabated all year, despite reports that they now actually friends but 2006 saw more than its fair share of fistfights, an oddly large number of which seemed to take place in bathrooms.

Axl Rose vs. Tommy Hilfiger:

The Scene: Rosario Dawson birthday party at the Plumm, a Chelsea nightspot, May 18

The Fighters: Axl Rose, Guns N Roses frontman; Tommy Hilfiger, red, white and blue fashion designer

The Beef: Rose said, moved his girlfriend drink so it wouldn spill, and Hilfiger started smacking him, telling him to put the drink back. Things escalated, and Hilfiger punched Rose in the face before security dragged him away.

The Winner: Axl, for fake van arpels and cleef necklace keeping his cool. was a gentleman and had the good sense not to retaliate, said Plumm owner Noel Ashman in a release provided by Rose, he would have done some serious damage to Hilfiger. Later the same night, Rose took the Plumm stage to perform which he dedicated to good friend Tommy Hilfiger.

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